is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
