I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
