end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
