every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
