Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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