I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
