I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
