So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
