So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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