gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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