Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
