No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
