Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
