The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
