You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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