how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
