We're facebook friends in real life
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
