Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
