the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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