is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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