we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
