You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
