My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
