Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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