Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
