You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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