What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
