If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
