At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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