That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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