i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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