I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
