we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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