now i know why i became what i already was.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
