Michael Bay diarrhea
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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