Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
