He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
