just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
