You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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