Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
