after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
