Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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