I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
