I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
