I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My ass is underappreciated
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
