I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
