Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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