oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
