So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Randomize
