hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just invented taco cereal.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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