OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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