fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
