She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
